WHEN WE BECOME DEATH-THE HAUNTING OF A MIND DURING CANCER!!!!

Published June 25, 2013 by whitecrow12013

WHEN WE BECOME DEATH-THE HAUNTING OF A MIND DURING CANCER!!!!

Between the state of living and dying-Our mind wanders to great ecstasy and despair. I became death for awhile. Not knowing if I was going to live or die!!! How do you tell your family Good-bye? The mind becomes a place of haunting. What was before and what is to come of your family after you are gone!!! Was I good person or bad? Did I instill love and greatness in my children? Who are they to become? Will you remember me ? At your beautiful events? What will my Grandchildren look like in the future ? Are they so young will I just be a flicker in their mind? Will I become a shadow of Deja-vu? I think I remember something about her!!! Does LOVE conquer all I asked myself? Time is a fleeting thing. Does time matter? Time is an illusion when we become death. Time does not exist. We all die. We just become a memory. Til we met again. We just transform to something else. What matters the most? Is what kind of person you were while you were here. Did we figure out the purpose of life and our existence? Sacredness of life-Is the the only thing that matters when we become death-Whitecrow

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27 comments on “WHEN WE BECOME DEATH-THE HAUNTING OF A MIND DURING CANCER!!!!

  • So very true, I have asked myself all these questions and more in the last few months and “becoming death” changes you in so many ways and you can never return to what you were before. Outstanding post! ~Irish~

  • I understand this deeply and it colours my every waking moment, and I treasure what it teaches me, the clarity of vision that it has provided me in many ways. The desire to actually experience life and my family, instead of waiting for a better tomorrow. Thank you for your insight and wisdom Whitecrow.

    TSK

      • I think it is important that we not avoid the question of death, it causes so much misery for so many that need not be so because of our fear of it. I have spent a lifetime almost obsessed with the subject, having had great fear of it as a young child. With age I have come to understand it intimately due to health complications, but I embrace it now as part of life and the transition into yet further life. There is nothing to fear. I admire your strength and courage, and your desire to share your experience with others. You have my full support, though I do not think you need it πŸ™‚
        Armed with this we can indeed help others.
        Blessings to you…
        TSK

      • Without people in my life, such as yourself- I am nothing. Like you I have been obseesed with death my whole life. I have studied religions for over thirty years as a hobby. I am still learning. Until I almost died did it all come together. My mother used to say to me. “the only thing the creator-guranteed us was that we wll die.” The rest is a mystery πŸ™‚

      • Thank you for your kindness, I appreciate your company here. You are a fascinating person, with a deeply intriguing story to tell, and I am all ears as they say. It is quite something, a rare something to connect with someone who has faced death and is open to talk about it. So many are not. I’ve glimpsed what lies beyond and it feels me with a sense of adventure and excitement, so I have no fear of it at all. What saddens me is the thought of leaving my family behind, that’s what really hurts, even though I will always be connected to them no matter where, or what I am πŸ™‚

  • Wow. Tears came to my eyes immediately it made me think of how that must feel to question all those things and also to wonder if you made life a better place. I can tell you for sure that you have. I believe that the goodness in us is reflected back to us in our children, grandchildren and loved ones that love us to the bone. I have sat with 2 people as they passed. I had a million questioned I wanted to ask them. You answered all of them right here! Bless you! I needed this today! Of course I am in tears at my desk somedays you gotta cry! I am so glad you shared this with me. Touched my soul and my heart and my tear ducts….i love you and I pray we all get to love you for a very very very long time!

    • I didn’t know what to tell you when you asked me. So I am always trying to help the ones who are suffering as I did. To be okay with what goes through their heads. I believe people who suffer needs emotional support as much as physical and that is still lacking today. It is hard for people to understand what a person who suffers a disease goes through in their mind. What is even worse the haunting never goes away. It changes our soul and spirit forever πŸ™‚ Thank you Michelle My suffering-It made me who I am in the Present. I’m ok with that.

      • I believe that such a disease does change you. I do. I do believe that all disease changes you but mostly if it threatens to take you life from you it seems to jerk a knot in your and gets your attention in such a deep way. I’m glad you wrote this. I do believe there are a lot of people that cannot find a voice and you just did for them. I love this. I haven’t told you this but I don’t have cancer but I have all the same diseases that my Alex does. Recently the blood disease I found out 2 months ago. I always thought having a child with a chronic disease changed you but then to find out you gave those by passing them on genetically well, I haven’t even begun to go there. I remember when she was in the hospital and her dr said there was so cure and she looked at me with those blue eyes almost translucent and said, “Mommy I don’t wanna fight anymore.” And I said, that’s ok baby I will fight for you. I do want to know the deeper things in life. Although I flit around like a ding dong half the time, I don’t wanna just be shallow and untouched by others suffering. Why I shared all of this I have no idea, or why I asked you how you felt. I wanted to know you more and now I do. How awesome it that? Wolfie you are awesome! I’m headed to eat with my girl. She got her hair did! That’s our joke. Mommy I need to get my hair did. That’s hick for highlighted. πŸ˜€

      • Tonight we went to the salad bar but they also had pizza. So what do I do? Get me some pizza then salad. After we grazed We came home put on my shorts stood in front of the mirror and said omg I look fat why did I eat pizza? So later Alex puts her shorts on walked by the mirror and said omg I look so fat. We looked at each other and busted out laughing. I passed on so many bad habits. We’re getting a skinny mirror! Lol

      • Love it πŸ˜‰ But they are the moments that count lol I do the bad habit thing all the time. Especially with the Grandchildren it’s to much fun not to πŸ˜‰ I keep telling my children that If I knew grandchildren where going to be this much fun LOL I would have had them first LMAO πŸ™‚ I put a blog up a few days ago about my Grandson it was to funny. I couldn’t resist LOL

      • I did blog it!!! Just hit my follow. Like I follow yours you will get them πŸ™‚ That’s how I read yours. I’ ll add the email on my blog I haven’t done it yet i get so many emails LOL

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